Four Strategies of Homework Help Hell and a path to success

How homework is undermined by interrogation, diversion, helplessness and overwhelmed

Troy was a master of the diversion strategy. He would melt down when asked if he had any assignments. Rather than answering the question directly, he would scream phrases such as, I hate school, I hate you, my teacher is a stupid jerk, etc. Sometimes he would cuss and throw things. When Troy was successful at diversion, all of his parent's energy was put into the uproar and the homework became secondary and often forgotten. His behavior and his parent's response allowed him to escape what he did not want to do.

Max was adept at playing helpless. In depressive and listless tones, he would answer "I cannot remember, I lost it, I am so dumb, I wish I were dead, or No one told me," all with a dull look on his face. He would limply hand his notebook to his mother to puzzle out the answer. With this strategy, his homework became his mother's homework, and it became her responsibility to see that it was completed. Max's mother felt like she was dragging a large bag of potatoes uphill.

Cynthia was the model of anxious and depressed diligence. She had all her books, assignments, and notes, but did not know which one was today's, or could not read her own writing. She would often cry anxiously as she dug through her backpack. She appeared to be trying so hard. However, she was never able to accomplish much because she was always so upset and frustrated that she could not concentrate. She already seemed so responsible and trying so hard that her parents felt cruel and unloving if they made more demands of her. Her parents too became anxious and depressed.

Each of the above strategies is effective at disarming parents. If the information is eventually extracted, the actual homework battle begins, often at the kitchen table. Battle tactics, from both sides, may take many forms. But they usually continue and intensify the same emotional theme that was established when trying to find the assignments.

Troy's anger problem may provoke the parent into reciprocating in like manner until the situation explodes. The harder the parent works to help Max, the more helpless he becomes. Cynthia's parents are so worried about her that they never put pressure on her to perform. Instead, they encourage and soothe her. This will often take the form of repeatedly telling her how smart and capable she is.